are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
