I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
