no, he came in my armpit
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
