Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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