I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
