I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
