I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
