I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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