Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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