I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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