dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
