She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
