He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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