I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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