I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
