Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
