After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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