i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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