wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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