You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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