I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
