Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
