Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
