He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
