I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
