My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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