If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
