***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just had sex bonerless
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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