Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
