I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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