In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
