I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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