Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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