In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
