I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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