Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
