These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
