Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
