You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Everything about him screamed your future.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
