I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
