you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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