I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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