He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
