We named our party play list daddy issues
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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