i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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