Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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