I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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