yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
