Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
