I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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