You're my little dorito
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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