Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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