it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
