is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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